Not one heartbeat do I forget

i think i'm having an emotional break down here.
i really miss both of them.. a lot a lot.
tsf.. i miss those times where we talked about everything. affairs of the heart. we gave each other support. nothing should change.that was the promise we made. nothing should come between us. nothing. not even a guy or youself. but still the inevitable did. its just so sad.. really.. now.. sometimes when i think about the past.. i really miss tsf a lot. i want to rewind back the time. i was thinking if what i did was correct. that i was being honest to her. very honest.. maybe i should have just stalled... till a while more? i don't know. but the consequences would be dire.no? i really don't. i'm not regretting it.. its just so sad.. i don't want this to happen. :( she was like an elder sister, a best friend, a soulmate, the other me. but right now.. i don't know. tsf.. just come back to me :(

i'm not sure if i still have any romantic attachments to the other. but still i miss the friendship. the consolation, the solace.. everything with your company. it isn't the same.. it just isn't.

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during posthumanism lecture Dr Miller mentioned.. where do your principles come from.. i have principles that govern my life. i remember one of them as Don't regret. its source is from my dad. even though i know that i'm still a long way to not regretting some things i did, but this principle is etched deeply into my mind. my dad often say what done is done, that's why we should not regret the choices we made or anything that we have done. yup. the simple gist of it, but the essence is so complex. how does the mind work. do we have a hormone that releases something that causes us to regret?? according to wiki, the orbitofrontal cortex is the one responsible for processing regret. hmm. more research has to be done though. emotions are a really tricky thing to deal with. yup.

Chinese New Year is just 2 days shy. we'll be welcoming the year fo the dragon.. hmmm but does it really matter? which animal year we are born in? or why are we attributing our birthdays to horoscope.. constellations or elements for that matter? maybe there is a deeper meaning behind all these? or are they just pure supersitions? haha well i guess i have to read more to find out.

Falling in love with film adaptations of classics. just done with Emma. thinking about mansfield park. hmm.. i wonder wonder wonder. British actors do have their own charm. haha switching and catching a different wave already aren't i ? haha xp. oh well. but what i don't understand is how come these actors are able to potray such lovely, endearing and vivd emotions in their character, with their undying love for the female protagonist.. professing their love.. and yet when i look up the actors' profiles, they all seem to have divorced at least once. or separated with a child from their former partner?? in the world of the entertainment industry, is love all that shallow? even with the money to get a women pregnant and then just leave her like that? funny how there isn't any news of the children being brought up in a hostile environment and turining into delinquents. but its just sad.. and absurd. i really don't understand how. or why these things happen. i wished they still had the shame that Old England had, during the 1800s or 1900s. oh well. people and times change and they move on. i guess i'm old at heart in a way . traditional me. haha.

God Bless

=do something right=