iridescent

I was never the female lead to begin with

In this book, the chapter of love, I was never the female lead to begin with. A supporting character thought to be the lead was the main persona of my performance. The insider, knowing the situations, history repeating itself again. This time to a much cherished friend than the previous. 

The usual girl A like guy, guy likes Girl B. Girl A and B are friends. Guy treats Girl A as only a good friend. Cliche I know, but unlike dramas where there is an extra supporting male lead, the female supporting role enters as a singleton, and exits as a singleton. No, there wasn't a cat fight if that's what you're asking, Girl B is not the type of probe or talk openly about this thing. Nonchalance is the key, there exits a barrier between the two; the existing problem but :) and kekex form the bulk of their WA exchange as if they were still on the same page and nothing has happened. In those unspeakable words, not one bare to breathe or touch on the topic. It as if this porcelain-like image will crack and shatter if any one of them starts. 

Been wallowing in the abyss of lost, depressed and confused state of mind yesterday after receiving some news. But, there is nothing I can do. The inevitable future will happen no matter good or bad. I thank God for planting friends into my life that no matter when or where or how I am feeling, they are willing to put down their stuff and listen to me. Ranting about all my worries of life that would seem so insignificant one day but they still do. I am really thankful. I know that I have to make the decision. She would not be able to handle the pain and will avoid it, thus I will choose to make the decision. For now I will keep moving forward. Somehow I feel better after a shower and washing my head. Things will get better. I just got to keep trying. Even if something bad happens, I know God and friends will always be there lending me a hand. 

What I learnt is to be kind, as I do not know what battles others are fighting. This route was given to me and I have to walk it. The bad like the good will past eventually, even though I might one day look back wistfully and think of all the could-haves, but they would just be memories. Its not going to get easy from here and just because I made the choice to be strong and brave today, I would be able to carry it through. But no matter how hard, how small the step, or even if I have to tiptoe or worst, crawl over, I will make progress day by day. Keep my head high up and keep moving. 

cause I treasure the friendship, I don't want to have to choose between whose I want to keep or let go, but at the edge of the cliff, I will shout the name of the person I chose before jumping. The answer has always been the same. 

=do something right=