got to get back up... trying to.. work in progress

my mood swings like a pendulum now.
a moment it was on a high.
the next, at a low.

i want my old self back.
but its hard, when the memories, the pain, the thoughts all keep flowing back

the only good thing is....
PRELIMS ARE OVER!!

but the next lap would be A levels.
i cannot, should not and will not jeopardise my A levels for ANYTHING!!!

yup so i better drive anything right down, drill a hole, bury the worries everything..
can i do it? i don't know.

its hard... really hard..
they say the more you try not to think about it, the more it'll surface.
i know, feelings change but memories don't.
memories make me, but they break me too.

i saw this saying:
as long as i'm living, i'll be waiting.
as long as i'm breathing, i'll be there.
whenever you call me, i'll be waiting.
whenever you need me, i'll be there.

there's another one:
you may meet people,
better than me, funnier than me,
more beautiful than me.
but there's 1 thing i can say to you.
i'll always be there for you, when they all leave you.

this is what i want to say so badly.
but the question is how long can i wait?
to keep up this charade that i'm fine, that it doesn't matter?

you'll always be my friend. its just the level... of friendship that will change..
everything you do affects me somehow. of course when i'm studying.. i'll focus.
but other times, especially meal times... its getting a little bad.

but i'm glad i have people to talk to, including you.:)
that's the good thing, that whenever a load comes on, i can talk it out
yeah:)

all i can say is that. i'll keep holding on, till the day i find that i miss missing you.
when that day comes, i'll look back at all the wonderful memories you gave me, and smile.
cause even if my heart should break,you'd be the best mistake i'd ever make.

in my dream, you're my life.
but in my life, you're just a dream.

i think people are all looking for someone like this:
i need someone who understands me when i'm silent
i need someone who knows me better than me.

do i need to admit that liking him was the stupidest april fools' trick that i fell for??
haha maybe. maybe not.
its just a saying anyways.

i said this before, and i said this again.
i don't need forever.
i just need more memories, even if they break me.
let me know that i once had you.

DEAR GOD, PLS HELP ME.

=do something right=