you brought the rain with you. and with me, the wind

ONE MORE PAPER!!!! come on girl you can do it!! haha.

oki.. went out for the entire week. to buy prom stuff. urgh.. tiring. i don't really like shopping for clothes.. haha unless its like those kind which suits my style ;)

but i got my dress.. hehe wayway better than my sec 4 prom lunch's dress. and wayWAY more expensive haha... but its with alterations.. and i think.. hopefully i look nice in it? < shy look > but definitely feel comfortable in it. hehe.. hopefully it doesn't look like some pregnancy dress. haha

i lost.. the mood to blog suddenly.. i don't know..
i got tons of things to write..
but i don't want my blog to become some emo blog.
i promise myself already.. i will not.. i must be an optimistic girl..
but i know that memories don't make me.. they break me..
i don't know... its like getting pulled underwater.. you see your friends' extending their hands out... wanting to help you out... you struggle. you really tried.. you mange to hold onto.. grab onto someone.
you head submerges out of the water. you can finally breathe.. then.. you let go.. their arms are still outstretched.. but you are confused... you're in between.should you grab and pull yourself once more.. or just let yourself sink deeper into the depth.. the waters are enticing..but the hands are waving.

i wish i can just relax and float....

but... i know it cannot do that... i have to make a decision.

yup.. its up to me again. blah. blah. things doesn't have to be this way.. yeah yeah.. but no.
i don't want to see either or anybody get hurt. i rather hurt myself and nurse myself. its the best decision. i better start like right now. sqaure one again.:) just like last time.

you can do it clare. no hope. no expectations. no nothing. you know you don't stand a chance. you NEVER did. haha. all the things that you've done with him... it'll just be... like the first one.. kept away in some.. drawer. i know.. they were sweet memories.. nice.. uber nice... high. out of this world.. but. if i don't shred them.... it'll be painful for the others. so... in a way i'll still remember.. but in a way.. i won't.

i don't think i'll ever revisit the places again... i don't know... haha. i was thinking.. if i die one day.. would he even know? i don't think so. he'll probably find out like.. 2 days after my death? haha .haha.

i guess. its all up to me. i can do it...

it was nice.. while it lasted.. only that it never did began.
at the end of the day, both of us knew that what we are doing will have to stop.
i don't want it to stop..
but i know i must. haha unless some miracle happends.. but i doubt it. not because i don't believe in miracles... but because i'm willing to exchange this miracle for them... as i said earlier...i rather hurt myself. but.. i don't know.. see how it goes. don't know what the future brings. haha there's still this silly niave little girl living in me.

this blog post seemed so disjointed. and weird. haha but.. its how my thought flow i guess.
its nice to know that not many people are able to find their way here. :P so i can just type away. but one can never be too sure :) haha.

i've been listening to various songs.. and bits and pieces of the lyrics can make up almost this entire story. haha but the rest is still unwritten... its still going and moving and writing. with twists and turns and ups and downs. not like a rollar coaster.more like a bungee jump. you breathe in.. and take a plunge.. wait.. haha you don't even have time to think how someone manage to talk you into trying it. you jump.... drop.. thrilling. while it lasted. when you thought that you'll enter into the deep waters.. your fingers will only touch the surface lightly.. and then you're hoisted up, then the whole process starts again. haha

woah.. imagery today. haha.. i guess i'm justt trying to replace what i really want to say with images.. hiding all my emotions under a mask.. but.. i think.. i never forget the emotions i'm experiencing now. never. ever.

=do something right=