Ask the world, what is love?

just received some news that woke up some annoying emotions in me.
but I realised that I am able to control them better now. That I know panicking will not solve anything. taking deep breaths to calm myself down and then my mind flashed the solution.. I'll deal with it somehow.Weekends are not days where people do work, so Monday would have to be that day where I start typing and sending the emails again.

Anyway,

Dear God,

I realised the LOVE is really a hard thing to fanthom.
Not motherly love, kinship those kind of love. Boy-Girl love.

In primary school, 'who do you like' used to be the biggest secret of your life. I wonder why... but that's all I remember. If you admitted you like boy a from class b then the teasing would start. You know how kids are.

Then secondary school... things became a little different. Boys started noticing girls and vice versa. Questions like 'do you want to stead' comes out. At first I didn't really get the meaning of 'stead' I went to ask my Dad who said that it meant 'steady or go steady'. Secondary school was the period where puppy love started. Not that none didn't last. I have heard of success stories and so far they are doing fine. (at least I think so) It was so innocent then. The maximum 'level' if I will to put it bluntly would be just holding hands. That's all.

Junior College was when things started to get bolder. Crushes were no longer the word to use, but attached. taken. It was the hot-blooded period where you fought for what you want.. who you want for that matter. Liking something became an open secret in school. It just wasn't mentioned. If going steady in secondary school was the secret you kept from everyone (parents and friends), your jc bf/gf was just the secret you kept from your parents. In school it was broad-casted. Well. most of the time.

University. The step into adulthood. The age where parents FINALLY start asking when are you going to start bringing boys home. Since they have come out from the army and are (usually) at least 2 years older and deemed more mature, they would be suitable partners. In uni, we are ranked by colours. ever-green for the pure and innocent who hasn't had a bf/gf/stead/whatever you want to call it before. amber means 'its complicated' in FB sense and of course RED. attached (the word carried over from jc. that's why most of them still hold on to their jc partners.. oki maybe just some?) complications arise with the use of black (heart-broken till the point of no return), purple (like the same sex) red w flashing green (attached but options open) flashing green (desperate)... and any other combinations you like and can spread down to the juniors when you yourself have become a senior. They say FYP (find your partner) should best be done in the 3/4 years that you are in uni as in the working world, it would be difficult. (this is another topic, not for today)

The 4 tiers of education (close to 16 years of trying to find a mate), they sound the same. boy-meets-girl while studying. i like you, you like me together? yay happy family.
But I noticed the difference. It was not apparent AT ALL in primary/secondary school. Neither was it THAT influential in jc. but THIS made a HUGE difference in Uni life. Want to make a guess? It starts with R and ends with a N.

RELIGION.

During primary and secondary school it was just if the feelings were mutual, isn't being together the most obvious thing to do? other than the fact that parents would think that we are too young to date hence we need to keep it a secret and all the drama. Jc the only thing stopping or at least tried its very best to stop would be A levels. Since we only had 2 years to study and well instead of wasting time on affairs of the heart, why not just focus on studies, after all there is a bigger pond in uni for you to fish.

I was once of those fools who fell into that folly as well. My idealistic world that FEEEEEEELINGS are all that matters. Till I entered uni. Of course I had my fair share of unrequited 'love' and if you must know... I stand on the bridge between 'green' and 'ever-green' (don't ask me why). Friends around me have found their fishes within the first 3 years and those that are still swimming carefreely are sparse and decreasing haha. I admit, I did question my virtues, my personality, my looks, my character. Did something went wrong somewhere that no matter where I cast my rod, it will only turn up empty and worst still. my baits have all been rejected. Till now I still do not have an answer. But I knew this:

The fishes that caught my eyes were firstly not Christian. There isn't a secondly to follow-up. I remembered asking my mum, what if my future bf is a non-Christian. She replied 'GOD will not give you a non-Christian bf' the finality, how was she so sure? I questioned myself. Now I realised, it is true. things have not worked out at all. I searched my heart many times and truthfully, I would not feel at ease if my future spouse is an unbeliever. GOD would be angry. My spouse would also not support my worship, what will happen to our children, the GODly atmosphere at home would cease to exist. So many questions ran through my mind.

2 Corinthians 6:14
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

Maybe I might not find a bf in the near future. I know not when he will appear, nor how would he do so. But I know for sure that GOD has a plan for me and maybe someday, the special one for me will come and I'll keep praying for that day to come.

Disclaimer: In case my readers out there are wondering if I really do ONLY  yoke with believers. haha I have many unbelievers who are my closest friend and confidante. I will not impose my believes onto them (i sincerely belief i do not have the gift of evangelism) but if they would like to know more about my faith I do not mind sharing of course :) but I am just praying for a spouse who is a believer and not restricting the friends I have based on religion haha that would be too narrow-minded and scary. :/

What made me want to type out this long post is actually a friend. a primary school friend that I have sadly lost contact with (unless you count being FB friends still 'in contact') but anyways, I happen to chance upon something that I was really... shocked. the friend is a he. he from my memory and knowledge and everything that I have come across on FB, he has always been a vibrant guy, full of nonsense, energy, and smiles. I do know he has a fair share of relationships.. another mind-blowing fact cause in primary school everyone was just so innocent. haha the photos I have seen on FB depicted the sunny high side of him.. yet I happen to chance upon his insecure, vulnerable, helpless moments. (do not ask me why or how, I shall not disclose) but. it makes me feel that Love is really complicated. it brings you on this rollar coaster ride that you don't have a choice whether to take it or not (unless your brain works faster than your heart.. but its not possible cause you brain requires your blood pumped from your heart to think). it is the thing that affect people the most and they are all afraid to admit it. The facade on the outside.. but whats on the inside. I am thankful that this friend had talk it out with his special one... and from the LOOKS of it... they seem fine. I had the impulse to message him with some encouraging words but I realised it might not be such a good idea... yeah. lots of things to answer to him if I do. haha.

This applies not just to bgr, but to family love I guess, sometimes we don't tell our parents how much we love them, or how much we appreciate them. so things go unnoticed. but that IS another topic by itself haha.

so dear GOD, sometimes I might be insecure about the future, but I will always have you to keep me grounded and remember that I only need you to make me complete.
Amen.

to my readers who haven't found your special one and you are not a Christian (doesn't matter what religion) I believe that everyone has their own plan and season. Wait patiently. Patience is a virtue ;) to those who have, remember to take a moment to thank your partners for being there. the future might be uncertain but live in the moment for now. one must not be too greedy and always be thankful :)

take care everyone GOD bless!!

=do something right=