Probably about 5-6 years ago, my life has always been on the through train. One track, just keep going.

This year, after stepping down, and choosing to slow down, it really gives me the time and mind space to evaluate on 

my life, my marriage, my work, myself.

There are definitely things that I am not happy with, just did not have the time to sit down and look through them. I also tend to avoid or want to escape things that make me feel uncomfortable, rather than facing it head on. 

Currently now, I am find the strength to face them head on, even if it means feeling those big emotions, forgiving, forgiving and keep forgiving, being honest with myself and others on why I do/do not want to do certain things, looking from different angles (objectively instead of subjectively), hold my emotional remote tighter, have conversations that make me uncomfortable, let loose a little, guard my words a little, care less about what others think of me. 

Trying to stay close to God as much as I can, having bedtime/shower time conversations with Him. Holiday now is really a good time to slowww downnnn. There are things that I definitely would like to fix, but I need to be patient and surrender to God. Devotion Phil 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by Prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Been mediating on that and praying with the devotion. it really really helped coupled with the handles i have received from therapy :) 

There are MANY MANY things beyond me and the only way is to submit and trust God through this process. I believe He loves not only me, but also everyone that I love and care about. 

post may have been a bit cryptic, but i just wanted a space to note down the changes that I am going through and also to remind myself to slow down and connect with God. even in the midst of all the different emotions I feel, He will never change.

= do something right =