While everyone is at DYB, here I am, at home, trying not to suck my lungs out while I expel all the phlegm. It is painful just to speak and project my voice. Coming down with a bout of throat infection is just not timely at all. Not really worried about cell connect tmr as I have my trusty ALs to help me out. I just need to be there to eyeball them. Really miss interacting with them though they do require loads of my energy. More worried about the VIA coming up on Tuesday. I will be bringing 4 of my students with SEN to another school to conduct a booth as part of the school's day camp. A camp for students with SEN by students with SEN. It is definitely my first time doing something like that and its really meaningful to me. The students have put in effort to stay behind, helping to prep and doing the dry run. I will be the only teacher going with them, so if I am down... that pretty much means that they cannot do. Hence praying hard that I will be well by next Tuesday. 

It has definitely been a while since I visited this little space. Maybe it is a good thing? HAHA Its has been a month since my previous post. Really did a lot in a month. I have reached a point whereby I look forward to my activities after school... rather than my work. oops. That is probably the reason for my throat infection. Late nights plus rarely at home? It could also be from the school camp that happened 2-3 weeks ago. I have had colleagues who were not feeling well and we shared the same bunk. oh wells. 

Okay, so one of the things that I would like to share would be the solitude that our LCG did two weeks ago. This would be my second solitude of the year. first being the one during March holidays at Desaru. Really liked that Weilin gave us some tips and a format to follow. Cause you know that I need structure. not to mention. Yong En asked the other time if we are to 放空 during solitude.  脑袋全放空~ (cue song by boon huilu), anyways. it really helped that there were specifics for each segment. Like reading the passage/verse 3 times, each time with something different. Then allow the Holy Spirit to reveal what God wants you to know about Himself, His purposes, or His ways, before we identify the adjustments that we want to make - in light of my past experiences, my current circumstances and my future hopes and dreams. Then write a prayer response to God. It was quite free and easy. We were able to choose our own spot/place as long as we return to the same room by the given timing. 

I love the area where I went to for my solitude. Maybe it is somewhere least expected. I happen to chance upon it on my way to church when I walked from Queenstown mrt. The Margaret Drive hawker centre was oddly empty. While on my way to church, I was somewhat early and I found the urge to just sit there and 放空。Maybe I was not in the mood of socialising. But I decided against it and headed straight up to meet the rest. Fast forward, I headed up to the second floor. I was honestly afraid that the building will close and the escalator and lights will suddenly shut down. Thankfully it did not. Made myself comfortable and did my solitude there. It was really nice, well lit, quiet, windy, there were tables and chairs. What a steal! heh

The passage that Weilin chose was Genesis 32-33. It is actually rather long and I spent quite some time on reading it 3 times, especially when I needed to read it out loud. I found that Jacob's state of mind was similar to mine. When faced with the fact that Esau is coming, he had fear, desperation and perhaps also suspicion. many people fight have focused on his wrestle with God. But the emotions were something that I was not foreign to. Needed to tune towards the next question - where was God in this? Actually, God has ALWAYS been with Jacob. He showed himself to Jacob, messengers that Jacob sent to talk to Esau came back safely, neither of the groups that Jacob broke into were lost. In actual fact, God kept His Word. When He asked Jacob to go back to his country and his relatives and He will make him prosper. No harm was befallen upon Jacob and his family. Many times, I am like Jacob. I will try to save myself, then pray that God blesses my 26 alphabetical plan. Though I know the promises of God, yet I always fall back on myself. Often or not, I doubt God. It is also through my own means that I seek my own path. 

Thus in light of my past experiences, where I always try to take matters into my own hands, or make decisions based on feeling. Currently as well, where I do not feel joyful or confident in the LORD, I would like to experience joy everyday, no matter the circumstances as well as in the future. 

To adjust my life by finding at least 1 thing everyday to be thankful and joyful about. Being intentional about it. Interestingly, a few weeks since the solitude has passed. Maybe the holidays are nearing, that is why I feel less pressured, more happy, but I do find myself reminding myself to find joy and give thanks. I did not write it down specifically per day, perhaps I should (I'm quite lazy), it also means reviving my old account on another platform that I use. we shall see :P But ever since the solitude, I feel a bit lighter. Was definitely time well spend and much needed from the hustle and bustle of life. 

= do something right =