The trouble with usefulness

It hit me. 

All my life, I've been trying to figure out my purpose in life. 

Maybe I was brought to this earth to bring joy to my parents.

When I search for a job, I want to be a 有用的人。Contributing to society. Finding a place, a reason for my existence. 

Finding value in my organization, to be wanted. Or needed rather. 

It hit when I chanced upon this post on Ig. On how to be useful for Christ. How we define usefulness and not how God defines usefulness. For me,  I define usefulness as utilising my strengths and talents. Why? Cause it makes me feel good! It makes me feel that I have value. The post says that usefulness is self-centered. Which can be true - when it's all about YOU. When God calls us to the mundane or do something that doesn't fall into our strength category, we struggle, we wrestle, we even feel sad. Why isn't God utilising my strengths? Unknowingly, we fall into wanting to dictate how God is going to use us.

The post also mentioned this -the only way to be useful to God is to let God dictate what He wants us to do (or not to do). It even says this: Jesus dying on the cross is never useful. But it was God's plan and He obeyed it to death

It also cites the 12 disciples are not useful people, yet Jesus still chose them. Hence the question - do you want to be useful in your eyes or faithful in His

Was quite a sobering truth and also it might be the antidote to the entire not doing enough in school or might become a disappointment thing. After all, the measure of success in the world is staggering intimidating and it always makes me feel even good enough or useful. 

But the post presented to me a new perspective (i mean, its something that I've kind of known, but to see it in words, it hits hard), the measure of men will never be the same in God's eyes. What may seem little to men, as long as it follows what God wants you to do, that is enough (not good enough in a sense, but what matters most).

= do something right =