Apologies

Sorry

Sorry, it doesn't mean anything anymore.
The more you say it, the more worthless it gets.
Sorry! Stop it, its driving mad.
No more apologies, it mean nothing.

I use to think that a sorry was a word
that could be used to heal a thousand and one souls
A word which could condone one's mistakes
One that encompass a plea for forgiveness.

But i was wrong.
What's my hobby now?
Collecting apologies.
How many can i get? geez, beats me!

I tried to take it in my stride,
to reason it out --to explain why
Giving myself excuses, saying "hey i'm fine
It's not their fault, it's mine"

I know that has to stop,
but i can't just press the red button.
Certianly not right now.. right?
Sorry. Yikes! i just said it to myself.

i should stop doing it
Sorry doesn't count.
The more you say it the more worthless it gets.
Sorry, no more apologies.

it has been quite a two weeks for me.
describing it in a phrase:
an emotional roller coaster.
in one word:
apologies
one alphabet:
X

this may be one of the most suffocating weeks of my life. hmmm.. hopefully God heard my pleas for help.
its like sinking to the bottom of a swimming pool, even when you're struggling to stay a float, you're still denser than water and you'll just go back down. Sometimes, it feels like there is this trampoline in the pool. your entire body bounces up and down. when you're up, you feel like you're out of the water, freed. but then, something triggers you to go down again.

one phrase to describe this feeling:
i feel like i'm dying
one word:
suffocating
one emoticon:
:S

it all boils down to telling or not telling. i didn't know that it would  affect me this much. if i'd known, i wouldn't have developed it in the first place. i would have stop it. i would.. saying all these 'i would' make me sound so superficial. as if i could turn back time, or pretend nothing will happen. one voice in my head is asking me to : get real, move on. another.. there is no another. or maybe there is. a tiny one... asking me to relax, pamper yourself once in a blue moon--- turn the tables now on others.. don't keep saying you're fine with it. but no. i had to stop the voice, its not me, its not me.

one phrase to describe it:
i am torn between the two.
one word: confused
one symbol: %

i really hope it will be all right.
i really want it to be all right
i'm praying that it will be all right

i hope that you can understand
i want you to understand
i'll pray that you'll understand

i really want to get back to the normal me
i really want to get back to the carefree me
i'll pray that i'll revert back to the normal, smiley, carefree me

thanks* veron for listening to me!!!
THANKS* GOD FOR HELPING ME UNBOTTLE SOME STUFF, AND POURING IT OUT TO YOU.

GOD, PLEASE HELP ME!

=do something right=