Today is a weird day...

Started yesterday.. or to be more exact, yesterday night.. when the o lvl results were being released.
that set me thinking.. about the time where i got my o level results.
how i cried bitterly when i was the first one in my class to receive it. it was not good.
that two digits... seriously meant failure to me. the hopes of me getting into njc were totally smashed. straight down to the bits.but what could i do? i tried rearranging all my nine subjects. eng, chi, emaths, chumans, chem, physics.... eng, chi, chumans, emaths, bio, chem.... ah. forget it. no matter what, it would always be that number. 4 As and 5 Bs. not ideal. not ideal at all.

let's rewind back the clock to PSLE...
a girl with a prelim score of 186. secondary sch--the option, seemed so bleak...
results came out.. 231. o.O eh? huh? are you serious? i'm... in the last em2 class??? eh.. oki?
make a choice...sec sch..
commonwealth used to be my goal : 240. oki. forget it.
then i went to fuhua's open house: 230. hey not bad. i think i can apply for it!!! the activities there were interesting and quite enticing.
then my mum read about jurong's scholarship programme: cut off point of 235 would automatically by eligible... i was down by 4 points, but mum wanted me to try, so i did. went for the interview and stuff. criteria was that i had to put jurong as 1st choice. which was a guranteed in cause the point cut off was 226 then.
got into jurong, didn't get into the scholarship programme..... but its oki. haha. had fun there.
got into the scholarship programme in sec 2? so what's the diff :)
jurong sec sch allowed me to soar in my first two years. the last two years were pretty pressurising when i went into the best class. plus i took on a 9th subject.. so yeah, had to run here and there, plus council and two more other ccas. haha. but it was fun. all the extra outings, planning, proposals to rush, last night talks. etc.overseas trip, television competition. hectic, but fun. enjoyable. i wondered if i would get the same experience if i went to another school.....

fast forward, thanks* to gor, for being my personal tutor, every single subject!! esp physics and chem. without you , sitting beside me and answering all my ques, the b3 i got for physics would not have existed. seriously. from f9 to b3. thanks* uber much. of course mr ooi, for all the extra maths worksheets. i still remember i was last in class for maths.. 11/40 for two consecutive maths test. haha i landed myself in almost all remedials. thanks* for never giving up on me, always joking with me. mr tan, my form teacher, aways willing to talk to me, to hear about my problems in physics. haha. then mr lam, mediaworks time were always fun with you. so many.. many.. teachers. esp those who allowed me to take the 9th subject even though express students were not allowed to... only special stream students could.

but... o lvl results were still a huge disappointment.. to me :(... if only i had studied harder and not fooled around.. busying myself with other stuff.. instead of revising everyday.. sigh. then i wouldn't have ended up in jj. i still remembered asking my teacher: where can i go with my points? jj. she answered.. sigh.

this year.. A lvl results would be out. another milestone. i'm sure all my friends will do well. but me? i don't know. i seriously don't. didn't think about it last month... but this month. the inkling... the irks... its coming.. its like. i'm going to be another huge disappointment to my family again. i don't know. a lot of stuff happenede last year.. before As. esp. i flunked my common tests llike mad... but prelims, i managed to buck up. As? i don't know... i just answered all the questions the best way i could. i just do the papers. that's all. but are my results guranteed? i don't know..i'm kind of thinking back on what i did the alst twwo years, but i'm proud to say that. those last two years, were the two years where i fought the hardest. in terms of academics, r/s, health. i kept pushing on. pushing myself physically, emotionally, mentally. i think i did make the right decisions. hopefully, my effortss were enough..cause i learnt that.. sometimes, efforts doesn't always yield results...

this year... i got a job.. now i'm thinking back again if i made the right decision.. looking at some of my friends having fun on weekends while i have to work.. is it right?? why do i have to take up this job in the first place? i'm not in need of money. i don't even buy anything! clothes nope, shoes nope. books... from the library.what else? do i really need to slug around in a shop the entire day.. did i really make the reight decision? maybe i should have gone for the admin job. maybe this.. maybe that. but the thing is. i've already done it. since i accpeted the job, i should go full force with it. that's what i'm doing i guess. the late nights.. the standing. the distance. just do it! i don't know if its the right decision.. but its a choice i choose to take.

there are a lot fo things.. that i started thinking off. like.. are my friends.. really my friends..?? oki.. i think that's kind of crappy. haha  we need to have trust in our friendships. just because we don't go out together as much doesn't mean that we're not friends. haha i haven't been out with my poly friends for like.. 1.5 years. but still when we have special occasions like new year, we'll still call each other and ask if we want to meet up. its always oki :) that's why i believe that, no matter what, my friends would always be there. spiritually :P between friends, even silence is comfortable. haha no matter what. oki, this problem solved. can ignore :)

then there's the other problem... haha that problem has been lingering for about 1 year.. i guess. last year. yeah yeah i know. A lvl year. ironic. but hey.. its the path i walked. so i reap what i sowed.. just hope that my results won't get affected :X but anyways.. yeah. we'll just see how it goes. i cannot do anything. i don't have the right to. :)

this post sounds like some reflection.. over the years.. i don't know why just thinkning of As triggered so much.. maybe cause of the time spent studying with my friends... then... seeing how everyone worked uber hard for last year before giving a sigh of relief that its over... makes me think of all the stuff that happened last year. i'm seriously very worried about my results. sigh...really. very worried. God, pls give my the strength oki. thanks* for seeing me through. though what happend during the chem paper has past.. but hopefully its not such a bad grade. my job.. hopefully its the right choice, that it would not take a toil on my health. give me strength and courage for everything. wisdom as well.



woah.. lots of stuff to write, haven't even blog about my job. haha but most people would not want to read it i guess.. hmm i don't even think anyone reads my blog :P haha so quite cool. got personal space :) yeah yeah.

that's all for today, thank you for your attention and have a great day.

=do something right=