aigoo~

whoever said uni life was going to be a breeze? that's a total fabricated unsupported statement.
uni life imo is even worst than jc. at least in jc you get the help of your CT. in uni, you are completely on your own. you would be lucky if some profs actually took time off just to set down a timing for consultation. i'm begnning to feel the stress. the pressure, that i do not belong in uni. maybe that's why only certain people with certain grades are able to enter uni.looking at my friends around me, i cannot help but feel stress. even though i work hard, but sometimes results just aren't showing. take yesterday's test for example. i'm praying real hard that i'll pass the test. you might think it was easy, all multiple choices. but i made 2 careless mistakes. namely a chem valence ques wrong. i cannot even tell the difference between subshell and outermost shell!! what is this!! plus anticodon for mRNA why in the world would a Thymine pop out. it should be Uracil! aigoo. wonder what is happening to me. if i cannot even get the single mulitple questions correct, i can forget about the notorious multiple multiple ones. there's a lot to do. lab reports are due one week after another. i have my cca committments. i really miss my other schooling lives. i put my job on hold just for my studies. in addition, ms tay has her one-month old celebratory party tmr. i'm wondering if i should even go. o.O i know... i should be i still need to give a present and i haven't even start making it. i have too much on my mind lately. like seriously. i need a breather. but ironically. even if i have a breather, i'll still be too worried about my studies to think about anything else. somehow i cannot wait for finals to cover up my horrendous grades. but i need to be prepared for it. aigoo. seriously. i'm starting to lose faith. maybe it's because i'm sort of putting studies first instead of God and he's sending me a wake-up call. not to compromise him for other stuff because he is the most important. hmmm. i need to bear that in mind then. i must not miss church no matter how tired or how much work i have. time management has not been my forte but for my studies, i have to try. i did study hard. study smart. jia you. at least i put in effort and tried my best. that's my only consolation. sometimes i need to tell this to someone. but i know that everyone has their own problems. if i find them, i'd only be a burden to them. some would say that my problem is easily solved. just study harder. ya. i need to quantify what is harder. i think till i know everything. i like being a mugger. makes me feel a sense of accomplishment. but..... i'm a mugger without results. aigoo~ oh wells. jia you ba.

i was thinking yesterday (before school while waiting for the bus) i haven't blog about this before. it was what happened between Tsf and me. like our friendship broke earlier this year. because of some stuff. i kind of miss our friendship. haha i remembered G throthling her in primary and many of the girls (including me) were furious. being just pri 1. we reported it to the teacher. ya.. and we consoled Tsf. i still remember that scene of Tsf crying. after so many years... i finally found out what happened that led to G strangling her. we talked about it and laughed. that day at pepper lunch. i'd remember. it was really like old friends meeting up after so long. so cool. aigoo~ but now its like.. she's a totally changed person. maybe not to other, but to me. it's saddening. i'd give most probably anything to get back to where we were. sometimes i feel like erasing the part on what caused us to drift apart. on what caused me to look for her. i just want all of it to fade away and just leave our friendship there. even now... i still kept my promise to her. i didn't sms him since that time. but i understand how things work. like what others say. trust is like a white piece of paper. even its crumpled, it cannot be ironed out and perfect again. that's how friendship is like. once a bubble is broken, there's no way you can recreate a new one. i really really like her. aigoo~ i guess that's that ba. i cannot do anything now.

during breakfast just now. i realised just how much i miss my secondary sch life. even though i didn't do really well to get into an awesome jc. but still those 4 years were the most memorable ones of my life. especially secondary 2. feeling really really down yesterday night. i suddenly thought of secondary 2. where when i got back my results and sometimes it wasn't as good as what i expected, i'd keep silent for that day. lin, jw, sharon, des, neth, mei, all of them would try to cheer me up. haha they would say i'm influencing their mood. haha like being down and everything. oh man i really miss them. i really really do. even though sec sch was the hiongest time but i had fun. those times hanging out in the classroom on the 4th floor. in the library till its closing time. time spent doing nonsensical stuff at my house. every single detail of it. i miss it. if given a choice. i wouldn't change anything. secondary 2. <3 it was that period where i was at my optimum. its so different from uni now. yes, people do console me like cheer up and stuff. but the feeling isn't the same anymore. i get the feel that we pretty much mind our own businesses. the only way to get connected is through fb. that's all. what about those that don't go fb often? Mark bro do try to get us together through dinners and stuff. but still sometimes... only those that stay in hall are more bonded. in secondary sch. all of us go home. when we have a problem, we actually CALL. not sms. talking on the phone is so much better to thrash things out. or to discuss things. sometimes. i feel pretty left out without staying in hall. its like everyone is so happening. everyone thinks that those who go home would actually study. sometimes they are wrong. we take about 1 hr to get home. by the time we reach home, there'd only be enough time to shower and then sleep. next morning we have to wake up extra early just to get to sch. i'm not complaining or whining here. i'm just putting down facts. haha. yes we don't get ot htht often and know other stuff unless we try to make an effort to squeeze it out from others. in the end i think i'd get tired of it ba. haha and just let it be. i don't know. the whole feel is just different. they say friends that you make in uni would be the ones you keep for life. i hope that that's true. but i'll not neglect the people i met in secondary school/jc. i know i'm not as good as everyone else. but i guess i have to keep trying. as they say when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. i may not have a s much committements as others as well as not as much brain juice as others, but i believe that God will help me. i have to rely on him and myself ba.

am i even mature? since i keep thinking of these stuff. hmm... o.O something to ponder about. maybe for the time being.. i  won't be so high. just keep to myself. don't think anyone would know the difference. i'd always bottle things up. haha.

God bless us!

=do something right=