LCG Q1 Celebration Reflection

Wow, I think last night was pretty interesting. Was typing a reply to Yong En just now and thought that it would be a good blog opportunity to note down my reflections. '

We had our LCG Q1 end celebrations. Honestly I was not really looking forward to it as: 

1. The place is quite far. I would have loved it to be at Nic's place. So homely and cosy. 

2. I like it small. As I grow older, I prefer to still to a close circle, people whom I can probably build bonds with on a one to one basis instead of in a big group (hence when Nic opened the invite for us to bring 1 guest, it was something not up my alley BUT logistically, it is definitely more worth it. The place was able to accommodate many more than just the 8 of us, so I just went with it)

The place was like an air bnb/apartment but for recreation, There was a KTV system, a ball pit, shuffleboard, a huge tv screen, long table for dining, just to name a few. Of course coming from work and all that, I was feeling quite tired (thankful that I ran into Bern at the MRT station and we could navigate our way to the place together), the food definitely helped :) 

I think I have gotten used to being in my own space, even in the group of people. Not really feeling left out any more even when no one comes to talk to me, and I don't think I was on my phone either. Guess eating really helped and I could just be there. 

Was feeling a bit nervous during the reviewing of our goals as I was afraid that people (meaning the guests), will ask me for my blog address (haha totally unnecessary thoughts I know, but still, cannot help feeling that way). I am actually okay if random people aka strangers read my blog, but I still find it hard to be vulnerable in front of people whom I am not close to. I also want to have a choice in who I can reveal some of my innermost thoughts to. (haha knowing people in LCG won't read this space makes it even more weird that someone outside LCG is interested). Thank God that they probably missed the entire point of blogging and (maybe) just caught the part where I learn to reflect more haha. Sometimes I wonder if the guests that were invited were in the know about all these goals. hmmm... like the person whom invited you is someone that you shared your goal with (this is just my personal opinion). 

We proceeded on to games (yes, my sound of dismay). From a few reasons:

1. I lack the 'game gene'. I'm just not good at it. Low confidence as well, with so many eyes watching. 

2. People in church are generally competitive. There was a lot of shouting going on and I really dislike the tone used. Like 何必呢? Then of course the part where people were trying to find loopholes. like 何必呢？

Playing games makes me feel like a burden to the team (okay maybe its the type of games) - if its individual games/board games then I'm fine. I am still reeling in from the tower building game we had during Champs Day last year. terrible terrible. Its funny how sometimes church is the place that house the people hardest to love. But its also God's way of teaching us how to love each other, just as how He first love us, our not so pretty side and all, us, our everything. It is indeed a lesson that I always struggle with. Learning to love genuinely and not hypocritically. Learning to show love and mean it, to the best of what I can without going overboard and out of spite or cynicism. 

But I was really worried for Nic. He had beads of perspiration on his forehead as he had to host the game, demonstrate the games, bend down to retrieve the props, all these while suffering from dizziness. again.何必呢？That's probably the extent Nic loves us and is willing to go for us to ensure that the game was fun and engaging. (sorry for being a party pooper but I really really don't like games). Still, thank you. Effort always gets to me and the quality that Nic gives has always been tip-top (and as usual, he delivered yesterday).

By the grace of God, our team won (not by my efforts of course, the rest basically carried the team).

Okay if you managed to read till here, kudos. I know I can be long winded. succinctness is not really my strength, but I am working on it. We are coming to the exciting part -- the gift exchange.

This was a segment that has been done before, but the requirements and process was different. Usually we just buy a generic gift, randomize it and pray hard that you don't get back your own or you get something that you remotely need/can use. However, this time the condition was to pray, buy, wrap. The main point is to pray. PRAY to hear from God what gift you should buy. Buying a generic gift is hard enough, now I need to hear from God (okay it is something that I have never really done before. I usually just do it to know if its from God, cause God will have His way of telling me if its not for me). My game plan was not to pray for a specific person but to pray for the gift. I told God to just tell me what to buy and left the role of delivering it to the right person to Him. 

>> sidetrack, I remembered telling Yong bros and James that I don't really have anything that I need, or rather maybe what I need might not be tangible. But when I went about my weeks I realised that I have a lot of wants (think items that I find it cute... but might not be of use). Secretly telling God all my wants haha.

How I chance upon the gift was purely coincidental. I always wanted to expose people to the SEN community, giving them gifts made/created/packed/baked by them is definitely one way. Though it is not possible for me to do it all the time, but I try my best to find ways to, at least if fail, I tried. I was actually looking for some gifts to give my pws photog and MUA. I know of some places that sold things designed by the SEN community and headed there. That was when I chanced upon the gaiters. I thought nothing of it as it didn't click and in the end, I bought something else for them. But for some reason, the word 'gaiter' kept popping up and haunting me in my mind. If you must know, I am relatively clueless about sports equipment (yes I googled what gaiters are used for). Never in my life will I go into a sports store unless I was following Thomas or I needed to get running shoes (but even so, no). I was also worried if the gaiters made an impact on me was due to my curiosity or was it really from God. It was quite frustrating. I almost wanted to give in to get my 'go-to' gift exchange present and be done with it (no I'm not telling you what it is), but I just could not get the word out of my mind! 

Perhaps I was afraid that I would regret it if I bought something else. So I went to take a look at the gaiters one more time. Funnily, I actually went to Decath to check out their gaiters, I mean Decath is definitely cheaper and the labelled stated that its provides UV protection, lightweight, dries quickly yadayadayada... I could have gotten it from there, but no, something felt not right. Hence I detoured back to the place where I first saw the gaiters, designed by people with autism. 

I literally spent a good 15mintues trying to read up on the specs of the material, the design, how it looks like (cause it was folded up and placed in an envelope), deciding on the design. I was so so so worried that the Yong bros will get the gift cause I really cannot see the pattern on them (actually them using it). I thought it would be amazing if James can receive it (to use for his cycling) or Phile (when he goes to Cambodia for his missionary trip), Nic (when he goes to Israel), even Chloe (she can tie around her wrist when climbing to clean her sweat)... basically anyone except Yong bros. I took the plunge anyways haha even throwing in a pair of sushi socks (since we were going to have sushi for dinner so I thought it would be a nice reminder of the evening). I think my main goal was to just obey this prompting (from God hopefully :)), and also to kill off this nagging feeling in me), and to really just support people with SEN and to let others know that there are products out there made by them. 

Life doesn't go the way you want it to, it goes by God's roadmap and surprise surprise, Yong En got my gift hahahaha. Actually we got each other's gift. 

>> okay I really need to interject this short amazing thing that happened. the way Nic planned for us to 'choose' our gift was through the mini shuffleboard. So basically we needed to push weighted discs across the board and there will be numbers placed on either side. You can choose which number you would like when the disc stops in between two numbers or that number is your if it stops exactly at the number. Pushing the discs are not as easy as you think. Too much strength, it goes off the court. Too little strength, it barely moves. Anyways, it was down to Alvin and Song Wei. Nic changed the position of the numbers such that there were in front of the board, instead of lined up beside. Hence the rule was the disc has to hit the number card in order for you to claim the number. Numbers 12 and 1 were left. When Song Wei pushed his disc, it stopped just right in front of number 12. Not touching it. Alvin went to ask him if he would just take 12, then he would take 1. Song Wei was initially agreeable to it (and I think so was almost everyone else... it has been a long day at the shuffleboard). But Phile pointed out - what if God was the one who made it stopped right in front, the gift might not be meant for you. Which to a lay person, might not make sense. But to us, WOW, POWERFUL. It could be the Spirit at work, really the work of God. Song Wei tried again and his disc hit 1. It turns out, the gift labelled 1 belonged to Alvin!!! and if we had just give in to our human thinking, Alvin would have just gotten back his gift, and Song Wei, something else which from the unwrapping.... it might not be that relevant (the gift was a set of postcards + starbucks card which is totally apt for a coffee lover like Alvin and the postcards are encouraging for his sister. so really praise the Lord!)

Okay, back to my part. The first thing that came to my head was 'wah, bottle again! Mum's going to comment, I have so many bottles at home already >.<' It was indeed a good bottle. Good brand, Good volume (1.2L), GREAT colour, awesome texture. At the same time... it was not something I needed. What was God trying to tell me through this gift??? literally had to rack my brains to say something edifying. Practical wise was pretty simple but -- WHAT WAS GOD TRYING TO TELL ME? I think I just went with my first thoughts, that great volume, and water, that God is the spring of living waters, and in Him, I will never run dry. HAHA I think Yong En also had a hard time trying to think of something to say about my gift. Like I said, he was someone that I really hoped who wouldn't get it. But I was really touched when he said that he always wanted to support a charitable cause, and maybe didn't know how, yet someone did it on behalf of him.

Looking back, all I can say is that God, you are amazing. When the rest of them shared about the gift they received or bought, I can see why they received/bought it. I might have thought about the practical aspect and tried to 'fit' the person to the gift on my own accord, but God you truly know their needs, at their current point in time. The timely reminders they needed or the encouragement, the rest or the enjoyment. My gift would probably not be something that they needed, it would have broken the circle and things might be different. God, you are a God or order, not disorder. Everything that you do have a reason. Weilin was saying that she has a hunch the gifts Yong En and I received were for us to bless someone with. It doesn't stop with us. I don't mind Yong En giving the gaiters to someone in need, really. haha but I told him to at least keep the socks ;P to spic up his wardrobe. 

I was initially caught in a dilemma about my gift. I can always use it in office, filling it up with hot water so that I can refill my cup without having to walk to the GO. But dad pointed out that walking is actually good for me! So I don't need to sit in my office the entire day - which is so true. Really love the colour and the capacity of the bottle, but I think I would like to bless someone with it. I have a name in mind but I would need to check with the person haha. It is something that I struggle with sometimes, thinking about the interests of others, instead of my own. Especially when the product is really good. 

Really amazing how just a simple gift exchange can evoke so much thoughts in me, and it really points me back to God and His works. Learning about letting go of material goods, challenging me to pass it on and not always keep it for myself (even when I have so many bottles at home).

19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:19-21

I don't want to store earthly treasures where they will rot. Instead, I want heavenly ones. I would want my heart to be heaven-wards as well, towards our creator and God. 

The gift exchange impacted me the most, but I think the entire evening was itself a mirror. It really showed me many things about myself, in a short span of just a few hours. My reluctance, my thoughts, my insecurities, my growth? haha. Yet, God was there till the end. I even got a free ride home and reached my block in 0.5hours! 

It was a good Q1, Q2 is not going to be easy, but I'll take it one step at a time. Peace out and God bless!

= do something right =