Last 5 days

Countdown, 5 more days till my status changes.

Feels quite surreal. But I learnt that you will always be considered 'single', till the day you tie the knot with someone. It is like how all the actors and actresses will say "我现在还是单身， 没结婚都是单身" when asked about their relationship status. Sneaky sneaky.

Wedding planning started quite a while back. Last year. I do not remember the exact date but it was around late October-ish where we settled on  were trying to settle on the date. Took a while but finally did it. Praise the Lord. Honestly, it was very ironic. Cause the date that we finally settled on, was the date that T and I wanted initially. But Mum was not very happy with it, citing weird reasons like the number not being nice etc. In the end, after a few rounds of changing (I mean there are only 4 weeks to play with right), its back to the original date which we wanted haha.

I knew that 2023 was going to be jam-packed with many activities. Hence I settled my gowns, MUA, photog everything in 1 month - December. I already know who I wanted to be my helpers  bridesmaids. The people I chose were both based on practicality and relationship (I am not so cold-blooded). It was quite fun, but also exhausting to try on gowns. Tip: Please ask at least 1 person to go with you to your gown fitting. Someone who you are okay with them seeing you in your underwear, who doesn't mind waiting for you to try on many many many gowns, who takes photos of the gowns you tried on and most importantly - tells you honestly if you look good in the gown or not.

That was December 2022, come 2023. Went for photoshoot, met Nic our coordinator in March. After that it was editing of the program flow, enlisting the help of people whom I can trust and going for gown fitting sessions. All these while in the midst of work, cell and basically life. Honestly...... I think I shelved my wedding plans many times :/

I also have some thoughts about wedding planning, disclaimer: these are just based on my experience and may not be pleasant. Everyone's opinion and experience will be different.

1) If possible, get married early.

Really. Do consider this option if you have it. I mean, fertility is one thing. Okay I should say, get married BEFORE your close friends. What I realise is that when you close friends have their own families, they will have lesser time to help you with your wedding stuff. Not saying those single are more free, but they do have lesser commitments. Its hard to help you with certain things when they need to put their child to bed. Or they need to visit their in-laws, spend time with their spouses etc. Of course your close friends will help you, regardless of their marital status, but you feel like you are imposing on them (at least I do). Really like troubling them. At the same time, you cannot really go all out.

Which brings me to my second point

2) Mange your expectations. 

Okay this phrase is very general. let me put it for you bluntly - people say 'its your wedding, so it depends on what YOU want' but nope, I disagree! It does not solely depend on what I want. If I am able to do it as how I wanted it... it will just be an ROM ceremony (okay but that's besides the point). Having a wedding ceremony is also good, at least my non-Christian friends would be able to hear about God :). Anyways, there are many things you need to work with - time frame, manpower, venue availability, cost, parents requests and your own feelings to deal with every mentioned above. I really thank God that my partner pretty much goes with everything I plan (he told me that he is just thankful that we have people helping us) which I am too! There are things that you might want and are they doable? OF COURSE, but at the expense of something. It can one of the things mentioned above. Usually the feeling of it being troublesome gets the better of me. Either that or I do not want to trouble others. It also actually hurts when you choose certain things (like wedding song) and people tell you 'this is not very nice ... you should...' what happened to it being my wedding? At the same time, practicality comes into play. When you tap on those who are the experts or more experience - like how would the words look on the screen, which colour is better. Things that are visual, and you want to look good in for photos. But let me have my moments of choosing something I want, regardless of how others feel. 

3) Be clear of the roles.

This is something that up till now, its in my grey area. It might probably be due to my misinterpretation of the definition of 'coordinator'. I legitimately thought that a coordinator is a planner - aka they do everything (almost) for you. Which... they do, on the actual day, because you will not be able to do it yourself. Yet you need to make several decisions and let the coordinator know. A planner however, might be the one making the decisions for you (right from the start). It could also be my experience with my friend's wedding coordinator who really did everything for her, to the point where she does not really know what is going on. It was quite tiring for me, given my 'all or nothing' personality, hence oftentimes I choose to shelve my wedding plans. I had more fun planning for my cell activities. I cringe whenever people asked me how is my wedding prep. It was just there at the back of my head. Of course if I would have it, I will throw all the decisions to the respective i/c. I just need to appear on the day itself. Surprise me. Unfortunately, it does not work that way. There were some nitty gritty decisions to make (some... due to requests from parents), it made me stressed out and many times I wondered, why the trouble. I think my friends are more excited than me. But really get your roles right, so at least you know what you need to do.

4) Enjoy the process

Ironic that this comes after the previous part. especially when I said that I was stressed. What really touched me was when T said that we are in this together, and actually, we need to try letting go of some of the feelings and stress. When would you have another opportunity to plan such a big event for yourself? It is something that I am learning to come to terms with. There are days of excitement. Like staying over at May's place and little Emma helping with the decor, or going to fort canning to collect our cert. Looking at the photos and choosing them while relieving the memories of taking them. There were times where I felt what my parents wanted were a bit ridiculous and so minute, yet it was also an opportunity given to me to choose to honour them. Even if it doesn't make sense to me. Better make them happy than regret after.

So there you have it, 4 pointers on tying through your wedding prep/plans. Most importantly, be flexible, let God work through you and let go. Like how my friend's husband like to say 'enjoy and don't sweat the small stuff'. 

All right, rehearsal tmr and it will be 4 days and counting.

= do something right =